I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
