when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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