Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
