is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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