Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
