Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
