Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hippo gnu deer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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