He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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