bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh god it's open bar.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
