Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
