there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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