I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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