it was like his penis was on wheels.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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