Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who died my cat blue again?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
