So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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