My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
