vagina is talking i cant
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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