Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
