wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
