he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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