I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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