So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
