if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
