so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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