girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
