the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
