So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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