I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
