Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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