Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
