Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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