Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
