Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
