So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
