oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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