The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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