I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
