Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
