Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
