I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
