i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
