Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
