Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
