All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
