I can tuck mytits in my pants
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
