I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
