Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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