His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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