Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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