wrigley field is MILF paradise
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
