We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
