Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did i walk over a car last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
