i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
there is another microwave in the elevator.
His nipple licking is glorious
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