Screwed.edu
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
