The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
