Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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