i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I looked at my own cervix.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
